Landon Barker Particulars His Alcohol and Psychological Well being Struggles in Revealing Interview: ‘I Hated Life’ (Unique)

The singer, whose new music (that includes dad Travis Barker on the drums) is impressed by his ups and downs, opens as much as PEOPLE about his tough yr

Landon Barker, whose dad is Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker, has spent the previous month reflecting on his life — and the brand new music his ups and downs have impressed.

He grew up closely influenced by Travis, who fueled his love of music early on by taking his son on a few of his largest excursions when he was younger. Now, “I am at all times within the studio,” the 20-year-old musician says over Zoom. “I sort of go in there with out route, however I’ve positively up to now yr made some songs that positively are album worthy, for my part.”

His debut single, “Friends With Your Ex” (which was accompanied by a music video launched final month) reveals how his romance with TikTok star Charli D’Amelio — who’s featured within the video — first started final yr.

The lyrics to the brand new music doc their rocky beginnings: “I used to be associates along with your ex/ You had been with him once we met,” Landon sings about his girlfriend, age 19, on the refrain. “Guess he hasn’t came upon but/ However I do know he is gonna kill me when he sees me with you.”

The connection initially sparked a feud between Landon and D’Amelio’s ex, fellow TikTok star Chase Hudson (identified musically as Huddy), whom she cut up from in April 2020. (He and Landon are former associates who each starred in Machine Gun Kelly’s Downfalls Excessive movie, and Huddy was a visitor on the Barker-Kardashian wedding in Italy final Might.)

In June this yr, Landon even inked a hyper-realistic tattoo of her eye on his bicep. “Holy s—” was D’Amelio’s response by way of social media.

Whereas signing to his father’s Elektra Imprint DTA Records was Landon’s final aim, he needed to work for it. “My dad can be like, ‘Present me that you simply need to signal,'” says Landon. “It wasn’t as straightforward as being like, ‘Signal me.’ I really feel like I needed to show myself to get the chance to signal to them.”

Travis realized he was critical a couple of music profession when Landon wrote some lyrics for Machine Gun Kelly’s “Die in California,” which was co-written and produced by Travis and included on MGK’s No. 1 album Mainstream Sellout, launched in March final yr.

Throughout a studio session, Landon was engaged on the monitor when his father and MGK had been in one other studio session. Whereas strolling by, Kelly heard it and recorded over Landon’s monitor for enjoyable. 

Landon determined to launch a snippet of the music on TikTok to get suggestions from his followers, however when Megan Fox heard it, she begged her boyfriend to collaborate additional, he says.

Later the musicians re-recorded the music, and ultimately Landon inked a file deal. “It could not have gone higher,” he says, cackling. “However I sort of did not go into it with expectations. I really feel like that’s one thing that I do lots in my life — isn’t undergo life with any expectations.”

Final June, throughout Kelly’s sold-out present in Madison Sq. Backyard, he invited Landon onstage to carry out their hit simply hours after they came upon that Travis had been hospitalized in Los Angeles for pancreatitis.

“It was actually so terrible. It made me by no means need to return to New York due to how I felt at the moment. It was fairly robust. However I imply, I did it,” he says of nonetheless hitting the stage. “I knew that my dad would’ve needed me to carry out that night time, so I did it and I am joyful I did.”

On the time, Landon was additionally going via his personal private difficulties. He was combating alcohol, and likewise suffered a concussion and had a number of visits to the hospital final yr. “I feel 100% it is necessary for me to not make {that a} behavior once more,” he says of alcohol, which he nonetheless drinks moderately. “I at all times inform myself, ‘I am going to solely drink on particular events now.’ I simply steer away from the whole lot.”

Now in a greater place mentally, Landon feels it is necessary to share his experiences with ADHD, OCD, nervousness, derealization and melancholy — and the instruments he makes use of to assist his every day wellbeing — to assist others who is likely to be combating their psychological well being.

Beneath, Individuals catches up with Landon as he opens up about his music, love life and the way he copes on his hardest days.

Associated: Travis Barker Hospitalized for Pancreatitis After ‘Complaining of Cramps’: Source

You’ve got been working by yourself music because you had been 15 and toured with Blink-182 as a child whereas rocking out backstage. Was it only a pure match for you?

Yeah, completely. It is all I knew. Lots of people both do precisely what their dad and mom did or the exact opposite, and I am a kind of who desires to do precisely what my dad did. I stepped into different hobbies like artwork and did a couple of cowl artwork for associates of mine. I additionally was portray at one level, however nothing resonated with me as a lot as music did. I am going to nonetheless design all my very own merch, all my cowl artwork and add little items of me to each single factor that I put out — however I really feel like that additionally ties in with music. That is most likely why I like artwork too as a result of I might name myself a inventive.

Your music aesthetic could be very pop punk, which you grew up listening to. Does this music characterize you as an artist?

It represents sort of what I grew up on, however once I began making music, I used to be making rap music. Then I began getting extra impressed by pop punk, and extra just lately, I have been attempting to transition to creating my music extra poppy but additionally taking my roots from rap and pop punk and including slightly little bit of each in there. I positively will not ever be a full-time rapper, however I am going to take little factors and instructions from rap music and use it to ascertain my very own aesthetic and sound musically.

You wrote with singer-songwriter and Machine Gun Kelly collaborator Nick Lengthy in your new music, Buddies With Your Ex. What was that course of like?

Nick Lengthy was working with my dad within the different room, and my session had simply ended, however they had been nonetheless going. I walked in, and Nick Lengthy mentioned, “Did you guys make something cool?” And I am going, “Probably not.” As a musician, you go into the studio considering, “Oh, I need to make the perfect music I’ve ever made at this time.” And when you do not, it is sort of like, “Okay, subsequent time.” After I instructed him I wasn’t too pleased with it, he mentioned, “You need me to return in there and take a look at some stuff with you?” Then later, he was like, “Dude, you must write a music about your state of affairs.” 

He impressed you to write down about your real-life drama.

I wasn’t planning on writing a music about my state of affairs. Actually, I used to be simply sort of going with the identical topics that I really feel like most individuals go as to if that is heartbreak, falling in love or no matter it’s. And Nick was like, “Why do not you contribute your life to a music and add some facets of your life right into a music?” And I used to be like, “That is a fantastic thought.” And so, I actually wasn’t planning on making this music. He began enjoying the guitar and we simply began buzzing, going off one another, after which he left the room. Then we got here up with the refrain, and I got here up with the verses, and that was just about the method — however it’s loopy as a result of it began with a adverse session and was my first single.

Your girlfriend Charli’s preliminary response to your music on The D’Amelio Present was that she beloved it, however you might by no means launch it. Had been you frightened it could fire up extra issues with Hudson?

Sure, as a result of I do not need to entice negativity, and that is not what the music’s about. No, as a result of on the finish of the day, I am simply expressing myself via music, and I feel she understands that.

Associated: Charli D’Amelio and Landon Barker’s Relationship Timeline

Your music is about falling in love with somebody you were not speculated to. What was that like for you?

I imply, it was natural and pure. I noticed it as any person who was coming into my life. I had the chance to kind a brand new friendship and a relationship, and I took the chance to see the way it goes. There are two sides to each story.

Charli’s additionally featured in your music video. What’s it like working along with your girlfriend?

It was actually simpler as a result of if I had some lady that I did not actually know that I needed to fake [to be] my girlfriend, I really feel prefer it’d be extra awkward. My dad, my stepmom, my older sister, and I do not precisely keep in mind which one or two of Kourtney’s children, first met [Charli] at a restaurant and it was positively slightly quiet and slightly awkward, however my household all noticed her for who she was and noticed that she was a really candy, form lady, and I really feel prefer it actually went fairly properly.

What’s Kourtney like as a step mother?

She’s nice. She’s tremendous supportive as properly, and brings quite a lot of love and assist to me and my siblings.

Your sister Alabama additionally sings. Have you ever two ever collaborated on music collectively?

Humorous sufficient, now we have not. However we’re two totally different genres proper now and extra occupied with various things. However hopefully, in the future. She’s really a extremely good singer. She’s pursuing rap proper now, however she really can sing rather well, so I would like to do a music together with her the place she sings.

Associated: Alabama Barker Steps into the Music World as She Teases Debut Rap Song on TikTok: ‘Get to Know Me’

Your father Travis can be drumming in your single. What was that like?

It was actually an incredible course of. Initially, after working with Nick Lengthy in my small session, I introduced it to him. He actually favored the music after which he drummed on it. What is the plural for drummed, dram?

Did you at all times need your father concerned in your music profession?

I needed to search for assist in the appropriate locations as a result of I really feel like I would be silly to not use my assets, what’s sort of round me and the individuals which can be round me. I’ve at all times tried to reap the benefits of that and use that to my means. However I clearly would not put out a music that my dad tells me is terrible and that he does not need to drum on. You realize?

Do you two ever write collectively?

Yeah, now we have a bunch of songs that we have written collectively. I am going to most likely have a music or two, and even perhaps 20, who is aware of, that he does not drum on. However yeah, I need the music to encourage him, and I need the music to be interesting to him, and never simply do it as a result of I am his son.

Are you nervous that you simply’d at all times be in comparison with your father after deciding to comply with in his footsteps?

Sure and no. I really feel like so long as my music speaks to nevertheless many individuals, that is all that issues to me, actually.

What’s the finest profession recommendation he is ever given you?

Work exhausting and focus; in case you love one thing, put your all into it. He is a superb drummer as a result of he nonetheless practices each day. Although he is very established and excellent at what he does, he nonetheless wakes up early and nonetheless goes to the studio each day — even in spite of everything of his success. I’ve taken that with me. It doesn’t matter what I do, by no means settle and by no means cease doing what you like as a result of that is the way you grow to be nice.

What impressed the music lyrics “Die in California?” 

It was sort of like a music that started off with an thought, one thing about not liking the person who you was. However principally, it is like a psychological well being music, sort of going via it, but it surely simply fashioned into what it’s at this time, naturally and supernaturally.

Final yr, you posted about your experiences with psychological well being and derealization [a disorder that causes someone to feel detached from their thoughts and body]. What was it like so that you can disassociate and the way does that make you are feeling?

It initially began with a nasty behavior with alcohol. I used to be abusing it and simply abusing that substance, after which in the future it simply shocked me, and I had gone via that for months. It was terrible, and I went via heightened OCD, heightened ADHD and heightened nervousness, all whereas disassociating and feeling like I used to be in a online game. I used to be watching my entire whole life via a film display screen. It was actually terrible. I at all times like to unfold consciousness about suicide and speak about it.

I love you for being brave sufficient to debate it.

I really feel like in case you maintain it in inside, it is lots tougher, and I really feel like all of the messages that I received once I posted about it actually made me really feel higher. Trying to the general public for assist and extra information was actually comforting for me and letting individuals know really who I’m, even on my telephone via a social media platform was really sort of useful for me.

Do you continue to battle with psychological well being points?

I’ve at all times struggled with OCD, ADHD and nervousness, however yeah, disassociating and dissociation sort of simply hit me like a truck final yr and it was simply probably the most terrible expertise. It sort of began with: I might drink, after which the day after, I might disassociate actually unhealthy, and that is sort of how my behavior of consuming lots began. It was like, oh, I would really feel higher the second that I had a drink, and so yeah, it sort of simply all began and all of it kicked up actually quick.

How do you cope?

I received a concussion and I hit my head so exhausting that I really could not drink anymore round this time final yr. After I received my concussion, I sort of simply needed to take care of it and I might simply, I do not know, I simply hated life for 3 or 4 months. It was fairly terrible. I keep in mind I might simply go to the hospital as soon as every week simply because I might have such unhealthy panic assaults from the whole lot that was occurring. The disassociation occurred first after which all of it simply received worse once I went via my concussion.

My autistic brother Randy was positioned right into a psychological well being facility for suicide, and it was extraordinarily tough for him and our household. What’s it wish to be in that sort of head house?

I am sorry to listen to that. Yeah, I’ve had days the place I am considering, “Am I ever going to really feel regular once more?” These days had been terrible, however I really feel like ultimately whenever you get via and get to the opposite aspect of the whole lot and see the sunshine in what you will have and the individuals round you, it is actually the most important inspiration to maintain going out of the whole lot.

Do you are feeling such as you’ve come out of that have studying one thing new about your self?

Yeah, I’ve positively realized a lot. I’ve realized methods to take care of my nervousness, my OCD, ADHD and my dissociation. I’ve realized all the following tips and methods and analysis a lot, so I actually did come out with quite a lot of information on all the stuff that I endure with. Truthfully, I used to be slightly bit too scared to start out medicine. I simply know the way I get simply having sort of an addictive character, and I really feel like I might be too scared to place myself in a dependent state of affairs the place I need to use one thing each single day. I used to be just a bit bit too nervous to even strive it, however I used to be doing quite a lot of remedy and understanding, and it was useful.

Do you are feeling anxious whereas acting on stage?

I am going to get nervousness, however I remind myself, particularly on headlining exhibits, that everyone got here to see me. And on the finish of the day, I will strive my finest, and hope for the perfect and hope that I can entertain nevertheless many individuals are going to be there and provides them a fantastic night time.

Greater than a decade in the past, your father and longtime collaborator DJ AM (Adam Michael Goldstein) survived after their plane crashed shortly after takeoff as they had been leaving South Carolina, the place that they had simply performed a present. On season three of The D’Amelio Present, Charli had talked about your phobia of flying. Do you and your dad ever speak about it?

I strive to not actually convey it as much as him as a result of I do know that that was one thing that was very traumatic [for him]. After I get on the airplane, I do not essentially take into consideration him, however I take into consideration all of the worst issues that might occur. It is simply the worst phobia to have. I actually do love touring. I actually, actually do. I’ve tried medicine for flying, and that sort of labored. Or I am going to simply try to keep up the entire whole night time earlier than, however I’ve additionally accomplished that after which not been in a position to sleep on planes, and that was the worst. I try to do the perfect I can. My favourite particular person to fly with is my older sister as a result of I am going to simply have a look at her face the entire whole time and he or she’ll be like, “All the things’s okay,” even when it feels rocky, and he or she’ll at all times assist me out whereas I am flying.

Associated: Travis Barker Says He’s Flown 30 Times Since His Plane Crash Thanks to His ‘Amazing Wife’ Kourtney Kardashian

Have you ever ever had a near-death expertise?

Thankfully, I have never. I’ve positively had shut calls the place I used to be driving on an electrical bike and did not see a automobile coming, swerved final minute or stuff like that. Fortunately, I have never had something too critical.

What conjures up you?

There is a quote that [R&B singer] Miguel instructed me, and I have been impressed ever since. It is one thing like, “I do not need to undergo life and are available out of life trying squeaky clear and excellent.” I need to undergo life and are available out trying like I’ve had scratches throughout me. I need to come out with bruises, scratches and flames behind my again. I need to exit feeling like I actually lived life.

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