FOR SALE: One used Republican presidential candidate. $454 million, firm.
Don’t miss out on this nice alternative to own a Republican presidential candidate!
Donald Trump is a used, one-term former president in peak psychological and bodily situation – many say they’ve by no means seen a former president so match – who would show an asset to any purchaser in search of political affect, substantial tax breaks or a possibility to undermine western democracy.
Is Trump a billionaire? Maybe not. Rich-guy Donald Trump can’t find money for bond. How about a MAGA bake sale?
Thus far, this presidential candidate has by no means been flawed about something and has achieved all the things – from managing his companies to calling overseas leaders in search of grime on his political rivals – completely.
Expertise consists of: Being the most effective Republican president in American historical past, even better than Abraham Lincoln; forging shut, admiring relationships with notorious dictators; and almost-successfully overthrowing a RIGGED presidential election.
Trump’s affinity for autocrats: Trump keeps praising dictators like Hitler and Kim Jong Un. Will Republicans ever care?
This one-of-a-kind, pristine Trump mannequin comes full with legions of authoritarian-curious supporters who’re simply satisfied to commerce their cash for reasonable purple hats and unkept guarantees, in addition to an array of New York real-estate belongings the candidate very a lot doesn’t need the state to grab to pay for a recent $454 million business fraud judgment.
The candidate is skilled at bankruptcy and has extensive experience selling: steaks, vodka, mortgages, board video games, ice, a college, himself, aircraft flights and {a magazine}.
Seller is highly motivated and can embrace all the candidate’s relations, his spectacular portfolio of 90-plus felony indictments, a $50 present certificates good on purchases of $1,000 or extra at his Mar-a-Lago resort present store in Florida, one random field of categorised authorities paperwork and a free autographed copy of his best-selling guide “The Artwork of the Deal” ($1 million transport and dealing with not included).
Please word, the candidate is lacking: morals, scruples, a primary sense of human decency, the power to assume exterior one’s self, empathy, regret, an ethical middle, loyalty, coherent ideas and an understanding of how legal guidelines work.
Critical inquiries solely, overseas bidders welcome. Sale must be completed by Monday, March 25.
Please contact: John Barron, 1-800-LUV-MAGA.
Comply with USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, previously Twitter, @RexHuppke and Fb facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
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This text initially appeared on USA TODAY: Trump is for sale. All it costs is $454 million for bond money
